[updated 4/4: ... folks, this post was an April Fool's prank. I ended up fooling too many people. And, as blog posts are typically read far after they're posted, I thought some truth-in-labelling might be appropriate. Commentary now appears throughout.]
Well, if you look at the calendar, you'll see it's getting to be spring. And in the info-tech industry, this is when all the new product announcements start.
I thought I'd share with you a few upcoming announcements you just might see in the next few weeks, or not, as the case might be ... ;-)
Zero Capacity Storage
EMC researchers have taken data deduplication and compression to the ultimate level -- zero capacity storage.
By using multi-dimensional compression algorithms, and "free space" found between existing sectors and tracks on disks used in laptops, servers, etc. we believe the average customer has approximately 50-100TB of "wasted capacity" available for high performance, highly-available information storage.
The capability will be offered as a open-source downloadable client that easily installs on any device in your environment. Centralized management will be provided via a simple, extensible web interface.
[Commentary on 4/4: the appeal of "something for nothing" is evergreen in our industry, isn't it? I was trying to spoof this line of thinking found in the industry. Compression and dedup has its limits. There is no free space between sectors and tracks. And so on.]
We've extended the XAM labelling model with new algorithms that automatically scan stored information, and proposes an idealized policy for retention, service levels, protection and security.
These metadata tags can then transparently used by EMC and other technologies to automatically manage information over its entire lifecyle: from creation to disposition.
A simple reporting package can easily establish that cost, service level, compliance and confidentiality requirements are being met, wherever the information is in use across the enterprise.
[Commentary on 4/4: determining policies associated with information management is a largely human task these days. Once policies are established, metadata can play a key role in automating information management and ensuring compliance. The joke here was that, somehow, technology could somehow replace a very long and thoughtful process around information management policies, which it can't.]
The acronym stands for "fibre channel over wireless", and uses bandwidth recently made available by the FCC in the 20Ghz range. Rather than cabling your data center, server and storage gets outfitted with low-cost wireless adapters similar to the technology found in many homes.
Effective bandwidth can exceed that provided by 10Gb ethernet, as long as no one stands in the signal path.
[Commentary on 4/4: of all the ideas I spoofed, this one actually got some traction. Maybe there's a need here that I didn't realize? And I'm not enough of a technologies to understand what's practical and what's not using wireless as a transport, although I'm skeptical. Who knows?]
Using model-based management and extensive virtualization techniques, existing data center configurations are discovered and modelled using an extended CMDB approach. Virtualized entities are then created that allow the visualization and simulation of data center operations, including simulation of scenarios such as migrations, upgrades, disasters, and so on.
Working in conjunction with Linden Labs' Second Life, IT personnel can then interact in the data center using self-defined avatars. All aspects of technology and human personnel interaction can thus be fully simulated, including office politics, boring meetings, personal agendas, and so on.
[Commentary on 4/4: I'm spoofing the fact that a few large vendors are hybridizing aspects of gaming technology to help visualize data centers. While the idea has merit, I am of the impression that technology has outrun people's ability to deploy and manage it effectively. Hence, any "data center simulation" should simulate the people involved as well, warts and all.]
Advanced Information Security
In response to growing customer demands for higher level of information security, EMC and RSA have established an ultra-secure information storage device, with the code name of UberSecure.
Advanced encryption algorithms are combined with real-time key disposal to guarantee that no one can ever get at the information stored using these techniques.
[Commentary on 4/4: this joins our old friend "write only memory" as a prank concept. Information has to be retrievable and shareable to be useful; security can be taken too far as to get in the way of the original purpose.]
Personal Information Advisor
This new service will ensure that your personal information is only used in manners you approve of in advance. From annoying telemarketers to email spam to more serious intrusions on personal information privacy, this EMC-provided service will identify personal information stored on any device, and assign ownership privileges back to a web site you control.
Working behind the scenes, we've been able to convince governments, phone companies, retailers, financial institutions, health care providers, etc. to return control of your information back to you.
[Commentary on 4/4: this spoof bemoans the fact that we've all lost control of much of our personal information, and we're unlikely to get control of it back anytime soon ...]
I think preview of upcoming EMC announcements should generate a lot of excitement in the industry.
As you can probably see, we're pushing the boundaries of "what's possible".
[Commentary on 4/4: Barry's spoof (writing as The Storage Anarchist) was much better than mine, IMHO. He basically claimed that we were using quantum effects to minimize speed-of-light latency associated with remote replication, discovered by Dr. Lirpa Sloof (read this backwards, please). A few industry bloggers fell for this one, including TonyP over at IBM. Big fun.]
Happy April 1, everyone!